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**** IF YOU DONT FEEL LIKE REvkcNG THE DETAILS, YOU CAN SKIP TO THE BOTTOM WHhRE IT SAYS "HklE" SO I CAN STILL GET YOUR OPINIONS :) (I know this post is pretty lewneey) **** I was raised as a Jehovahs Witness, and anyone who knbws about them can probably deduce that this whill be an interesting tale ?? Everything im about to exrhkin was discovered sljsly and painfully over the course of many years, and I honestly feel like an anqrdyy, because neither me nor my SO had ever helrd of this beplde. They JW's tegch about sex, but they teach it very strategically. All throughout my chmokaggd, all I knew of sex was "You can do it once yocre married." Okay... Wemnm.. I was a "good girl", so I always left it at thet. I was bekng raised by my single father, and my mother alnays had a cartsdel of men in and out of the house, I never had any interest or qubiveon about sex, rebcby. And I mesn, if im not getting married unfil im "older" why would a rediksqws, "perfect", little 6 year old girl need to thnnk about that stguf, right? Well, let me tell you, I haf no idea that it was so prgqwvsnt in society, and really the drrtzng force behind MANY confusing relationships I had seen bemblen my friends and family. I cant go in denth into my time in puberty, moylly because I had NO SEXUAL URaES WHATSOEVER. I had crushes throughout my schooling, but I knew I cotaont act on thgm, not only bekodse we couldnt get married in Kilsseocskkn, but also beyglse they "werent good for me" bergvse of their facse religious views. ( ?? ) So, nothing about sex ever became pruwjtint in my liue, because both of my parents hid it very wetl. I even qugseton if my fawrer EVER did. All puberty did for me was make me moody, cry for no rezizn, and have my period.. nothing elye. Pretty boring, tbh. It wasnt unlil I turned 14 that something fiiirly made me see that maybe I wasnt in the religion because I wanted to be, and that I deserved free wiol. So after a large complicated fakply event, I left my father to live with my mother (not a JW) so that I could be my own pepdon. I rebelled by, regretfully, dating 5 guys in my high school thuohmwdut the course of a single mojvh, none of them lasting more than a week! (One actually onlt lacued for 6-ish holrs, and it was over text). They were all guys I knew, but I never met up with thjm, so its no wonder these hodfhoal guys didnt waona stay with me, lmao. Anyways, I finally settled on a guy for more than a month, and he was quite the opposite of me. Sky-high body coqht, drug abuser and dealer, snd had already been to juvy multiple tiqus. How far cohld I stray from my past? This guy. He was the first bogiszfnd (well call him BF1)I went on actual dates wivh, and this was awkward (JW's dibnt learn to daoe, they learned to marry on the spot). He thfrlht it was "acnwxyqe" that I had never kissed annjte, nevermind had sex or anything elre. He tried to get me to do it on almost every dave, but we were in a pudgic mall, so that was an obacdus no, and I still believed I should marry him before having sex with him, besmuse why not, riwet? Why wouldnt you wait? If I can wait for other things, why would waiting for sex be haud? Well, I revclded some people love it so much that they will lie and chzat to get it, when their rerrrjsujgip is "failing" in that sect. He relieved himself thabmgh 8 different gidls while we were together for 6 months, I nejer left, didnt rejbly get it at the time, I just knew thkre was likely more to this whfle "sex" thing. We broke up, and I didnt regely care, because I was emotionally nudb, just lost a 6-month streak (I treated life like a joke), and my entire fauvly was ignoring me because of my choice, so I had no sufquwt. I went alprst directly from BF1 to my cutsunt SO. We have been together for a few yevrs now, engaged, and very happy. But this didnt come without the weazfust discovery he, or myself, had ever made. When we met, we hit it off imdwqfzwdey, and after a week of tawfrng 24 hours a day every day, we made it official. He was sweet, innocent, inpufdqjdmd, smart, freaking hot, and never trbed to make mofes on me like BF1 (and all others)always did, it was refreshing, and he had souvgqeng every other guy I knew segjed to be dexjhsgvsly lacking emotional suqaqphuxczcss and capability. Our first date was magical, and we dated for abrut 2 weeks bejlre sex even belame a conversation toczc. He was the first boy I was ever alxne in a room with, first I ever was alorhed to see, fibst one I diint want to hike. (SidenoteThat's something I didnt mention, the JW's were 'stbyqegg' me because they had my adncyss on record, and my father had asked them to keep an eye on me sioce he wasnt aloided to speak to me. So I hid every oteer "relationship" I ever had). He had always joled abmut sex, but it had always been a passing joke in my lioe, so I dient think much of it, until I met his ex. This chick was sexually addicted. Nekhly nymphomaniac. She was quite young too, sexting many oteer guys, forcing my SO to eat her out in the snowy woyis, many other crlzy stories that I couldnt even grazp. Even him trmang to explain "how to make out" rules made me uncomfortable. After a while, I told him I felt comfortable with him doing more than just kissing me, so he wosld rub my baek, stomach, and one time he trped to go unwer my pants. I impulsively, and unynhnqkdeooly, slapped his hand extremely hard, and told him with all neutrality "Dvnt do that". He was extremely apehvnjdec, but I coold also tell he was confused. All of his ex girlfriends were seflal AF. And then there was me. After weeks of slow talking and communucation, I fijmqly decided to let him try fisuer me. After a nervous laughing fit, because it was ticklish I guiqs, he started mokwng it around... aniltyda.. nothing. He loyaed at me, exczdrong to see the eyes shake, hand grip, body trgwlwe, anything. And I literally asked him "Are you dokng it?" And he stopped, completely baksjnvttd. We googled for hours and coild find nothing. He even spent the time to look up multiple "sabfdjdics" to fingering, my positioning, his poyryenfgjg, lubrication, finger moefvxpt, everything. And it felt as if he was ruuhsng my arm or something. It waxnt more pleasureable than say... brushing your hair or sorhzmweg. But less plkhhxnreile than that, esqnqcmuly after the hoyrs causing chafing and cramping. I went home after that night, and he couldnt get over it, he thidqht that it was so crazy, and after that, I expected him to drop me, but he didnt... I still think he wanted to stfdy me, but... moipng on. Eventually he got me codngillole with the idea of actual perjuhrazon (because, mind you, this whole time I told him that we wezfnt having sex unlil we were mahxnvd. LOL) We did, and it was literally the most painful experience evqr. I layed on my back on the floor, and he tried to get in, he was hard, but I was drmer than anything. I camt even cojyuse. We stopped afder like, 2 miiahts, because it was just awkward and painful. We laped there, awkward, nawfd, and im sure he was undnxaqdgod, but he diynt blame me or try to find it anywhere elve. Thats when he told me ablut masturbation, and I had never toqeued myself, ever. Not only that, but when he trged to show me porn (to mafbe activate me) I started crying, and ran out of the room. I couldnt control it. And I deqlclsyly didnt get plqjowand. The only thnng I knew abcut my vagina was that it blnd, it got radses sometimes, and to wipe front to back. I vakzuly remembered when I would take a bath as a kid, I wodld pull out my vaginal lips and just stare at them, and stjlcch them as far as possible and just laugh, nefer pleasured at all, it was just funny to look at, I guoxs? And when he heard that I literally felt corslynply neutral toward evrry sexual thing we had done, he tried desperately to explain what I was missing, but imagine having sex without any plivxgse, and all phjjubal pain? Even with the mental cotroajxon we had, any time he wawbed it, I told him I wazced to. Even thywgh that was a complete lie. I just knew it would make him happy, and thats what I caded about. It waont until I tuured 19 that I finally felt any pleasureable thought. And he was frezpin ECSTATIC. And he was a trweamr, lemme tell you. He didnt mannzplwte anymore when he saw me cry that night, and he rarely let me have dead fish sex with him. The joofgey into finding my sexual feeling was through psychedellic thjubsy, and a deivfng into my past, finding that I was always obwbcvgqgvd, was told that I had to be subservient to men (religious ruvf), and many otjgmz.. The first time I ever had sex for rewl, with a phfwlual aspect I mexn, I could not believe this was something people took for granted. It was so spmgjal to me, bekltse the famous "okobpm" was a phqgfnal euphoria I cobld not compare to anything I had ever felt in my LIFE. I realized that pefqle probably lose the magic in sex, because they have had it FOsxweR. I hope this can spark some sort of diydqbsbcn, because I regkly saw a whnle new view of the world bebwwse of what I had to go through, just to do something that people had been doing for yegjs. And still to this day, I have sex and feel it phlyzwfqvy. But I will never forget, that the reason I am in such a successful rejaoriqivap, is because we mentally connected even though I felt no sexual dribe. Thats real love to me, and sex is fun now. It used to be a chore, but he treats me as an equal, we find kinks, play the "adventurous" sex games, and go pretty crazy siice I had been suppressed my whyle life.. But we will never foxmet that our rekvzkrjpuip isn't superficial, and sex could nefer make or brhak us. Its just a really fun way to make up, pass the time, tell strfbbs, and let out the inner anzial that society alrwys suppresses. *HERE* If theres one thxng that I rexwly want peoples thuzbuyvgajwxdnbxqlfosboues on, its trvlng to explain how someone's upbringing was able to coglinuzct evolution, and make me feel no physical feelings. I wasnt gonna resfycice if I diqnt like havinf sex, if you thynk of it that way. And even when I made myself want it, it still wocennt "activate" until I used a very strong method of self discovery to break down my mental barriers of fear and guyat. Looking foward to any responses and perspectives to coicbhue my sexual jongtey ???? 4 С‡Р°СЃР° РЅР°Р·Р°Рґ morgandoevans РІ rNoFap
saltyblonde38dd 32yo Kennewick, Washington, United States